#MyFirstRamadan: Retreat from the Pull of Dunya

By Assia Hamdi | 03, May, 2018
#MyFirstRamadan: Retreat from the Pull of Dunya

"Innalilahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon"
"To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return."
(Quran Surat Al Baqarah 2:156)

I had been fasting since I was 7, the short December Ramadan days, with the sun setting at the 4pm meant that Ramadan Iftar was just a late lunch or early dinner, broken with dates.

I have been fasting for as long as I can remember yet my first Ramadan was not until I reached the age of 16. This contradiction may surprise you, how had I been fasting since 7 but my first Ramadan was 11 years later?

The answer is simple, fasting at my young age was an act of not eating whilst the sun was out but it was at the age of 16 that fasting became a spiritual fulfillment that spoke to my soul and renewed my Imaan.

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In my childhood days, fasting had been an experience that was rewarded with splendid arrays of food at the end of the day. My cultural heritage meant that I was awarded with food from all over the world. Each day was a test that would be rewarded with the prize of Algerian delicacies, Indian spicy treats and French fineries. Not to ignore that the pride I made my parents feel was a reward within itself. However, all these rewards were ones that came from the outside. As a materialistic child counting down the days for Eid al-Fitr, the Ramadan spirit was around me not as a month or spirituality but a month of reward.

At the age of 16, I experienced an event that would change my perspective in most things in life, including the Ramadan that came after. I hadn’t realised that experience could so deeply shake belief and form a new angle of perspective in life.

I went to my first Janazah.

What might seem astounding was that I did not know the lady that had passed away. She was the grandmother of a student acquaintance yet her impact on my life was huge (I hope she receives barakah from any good deeds I do).

Initially, amongst the Muslim students it spread that the Janazah would take place at 1pm not far from our school. I was sceptical, I had never been to a Janazah before yet by the grace of Allah a friend told me this Hadith;

Whoever attends the funeral procession and offers the Janazah Salah, will get a reward equal to one ‘qirat’, and whoever accompanies it till burial, will get a reward equal to two ‘qirats’. It was asked, “What are two qirats?” He answered, “Like two huge mountains.”

(Sahih Bukhari, Hadith: 1325 and Sahih Muslim, Hadith: 945)

It felt as though I was obliged to go. It was my duty as a Muslim. Leaving through the backgate of school, we bunked our afternoon lessons (an easy sacrifice in the Dunya for the sake of the Akhira). Upon arrival to the Mosque, we approached the grieving granddaughter offering our condolences, I listened carefully to the words of the girls around me. When it reached my turn I mumbled what they had said.

"Innalilahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon" To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return." (Quran Surat Al Baqarah 2:156)

I had no idea what I had said.

I followed what the women around me did. They offered two Salaah Raka’ah and upon completion raised their hands to make Dua. I could do that and I busied myself looking like I could do the same. My friend approached me asking if I knew the Janaza process and I shook my head in shame. There was no judgement that day simply a re-education that would change my life. I listened carefully and when the Janazah began, I followed the process. At the end we sat in a circle with the sniffling Granddaughter and the daughter of the deceased woman.

We were waiting to see the body.

We sent blessings and peace onto the Grandmother of the acquaintance. Finally the coffin rolled in, the white sheet was lifted and my curiosity was answered. There laid a small lady, pale and peaceful. The smile on her lips gripped my heart. It was the first time I had seen a dead person.

To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return.

The image still grips my heart now. It was in that moment that I realised I had wasted 16 years of my life. My life may not be as long as this woman and I had to change my ways, urgently. From that day onwards I made the effort to find passion in my Deen, to educate my ignorance and stop living for this Dunya. My first Ramadan came less than 3 months later.

With this new attitude, the effect of Ramadan was not something that made my stomach ache and my head imagine the gifts I’d receive, instead this Ramadan was the first time I gave myself targets to achieve. Tarawih was still hard for my hyperactive mind but there was a new maturity in my way of coping with the hours on foot. I held a Quran following the words, focusing on the words I knew the meaning of and the recitation of the Imam. I no longer counted down the days to Eid, but regretted that the days were passing by me. I tried to control my temper around my family and focused on the importance of my niyyah in simple everyday actions to gain more reward.

I can only say that it hasn’t been a perfect road in keeping this new perspective alive and fresh. As humans we go through ups and downs, feel highs and lows. Whilst, that Ramadan was a high, the ones that came after needed me to mentally and emotionally motivate myself. We pray five times a day to be constantly reminded of our time on earth, we humans are weak, we change our minds, our emotions affect our judgement. We need the reminder 5 times a day to centre us. Ramadan comes once a year and it’s role is the same; centre our souls on the Akhira. A monthly cleanse to recharge us for the year to come. This Dunya can be hard but the month of Ramadan is a blessing. It’s God’s way of showing his love for us, by locking the Shayateen away he enable us to focus on ourselves in an environment that feels lighter than the rest of the year. So, now I can only await for this opportunity to recharge my Iman, I’m excited for Ramadan. It’s a mental and emotional retreat from the pull of the Dunya.

What about you? Are you ready for this blessed month?

Currently a History and Arabic student with a huge ambition and passion for travelling. Inshallah, my hope is to see the beautiful world God has created and share the beauty with you lovely readers.

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